Testimonials

When I came to Northstar, I was in a very dark and lonely place. I thought nobody felt as I did and that nobody would understand.

I joined a small peer support group and, for the first few weeks, gave little interaction. But as the weeks progressed, so did our group. We got to know each other’s stories, all of which were very similar. The group started to bond and trust each other. I didn’t feel I was on my own anymore. It was wonderful and empowering to share my feelings, anxieties, and fears in a confidential space.

As the group grew, so did our confidence.

Facilitators were brought in and we were encouraged to join courses, go to conferences and workshops, all to learn about addiction and ourselves, and how it affects families and communities. I would never have done any of this without the support of Northstar.

We also had access to holistic therapies and respite time away from the chaos to recharge our batteries and be ourselves. There were plenty of tears, but laughter too. I felt so supported and looked forward to my group every week – it was “my fix”.

One of the courses I was encouraged to take was the Social Health Education Programme, or S.H.E.P. This brought me further along on my journey, evolving from a caterpillar into a bright butterfly.

I was encouraged to join the Service of Commemoration and Hope Committee and also the fundraising committee. I was developing new skills every day. I was not the only person who felt Northstar had helped me regain my confidence and belief in myself, and to know that I am good enough.

Today, I am a qualified S.H.E.P facilitator. When I first started looking for support, I would never in a million years have thought this possible.

Thank you, Northstar, for giving me my life back. I will forever be grateful.

It was the early 2000s when I realised that my son had developed an addiction. Up until then, I had used every excuse in the book as to why there was money going missing from my purse, the house, and eventually my bank account. I was devastated and terrified. I wanted it to be fixed, sorted, and put in the past. I was all about forgiveness – I cannot say the same for my husband.

Someone told me about a group that were trying to set up a project to support families affected by addiction. I didn’t know where else to go, so I reached out to one of the founding members, and so began my growth and understanding, and my son’s journey through his addiction.

Lies are a very big part of addiction, I learned, so I had to weave my way through the half-truths in order to see where he was at, who he owed money to, and what he was doing to fund his drug use. He would only tell me when the dealers were putting pressure on for their money, so mostly we had little time to gather what was owed.

Neighbours would subtly tell me who was the main man in the locality, while also telling horror stories of threats, bodily injuries, and burned-out cars and houses belonging to those who did not pay up in a timely fashion. I remember begging his friends to mind him and tell me if he was doing drugs. They promised they would – it turned out they were dealers too.

At the time, some of my son’s peers were murdered by rival drug gangs. It was a very scary time in Limerick. Drugs and gang feuds were out of control. There were parts of Limerick that were no-go areas. This was the atmosphere that the Northstar Family Support Project grew out of. Fear and intimidation were the tools of the gangs, and they had no morals.

I carried the shame of it all. When they would drive slowly past my house sneering, I’d panic, knowing I hadn’t told his dad half the stories, thinking I could manage this and protect my firstborn. I now know that I was only enabling him to continue destroying himself inside and out, and the damage that addiction did changed us all.

Northstar was set up to support parents and families like mine. I was supported by people who had been where I now found myself and who offered practical advice and guidance. After my initial disappointment on finding out that they would not be fixing my son for me, they offered me the opportunity to learn how I could build my resilience, so that my son’s addiction did not bring me to my knees ever again. I had support; I was no longer trying to do this on my own.

With Northstar’s support, I completed Community Addiction Studies, S.H.E.P. (Social and Health Education Programme), and subsequently went to UL to study Women’s Studies for two years. I spent some time on the establishing committee and board of Northstar.

I have accepted that I can offer support to my son, but I can’t fix him.

To finish on a positive note, fifteen years later my son has been drug-free this past year, and our relationship has survived.

Mother’s Journey

After the breakdown of my marriage, I was left alone to parent two young children. They had a clean, comfortable home, food on the table, and a mother who loved them. What more did they need?

Other than a bit of hash or seeing things on the television, I didn’t have a clue about drugs or how destructive they could be. I would never have dreamt that my daughter would smoke her first joint at 12 years old.

I didn’t know who to turn to for help. I was working 36-hour weekends on three or four hours’ sleep a night. My mind and body were exhausted. I became depressed. I could hardly breathe with fear that something would go wrong, but I couldn’t let go. My children were on a downward spiral of self-destruction.

Due to a lack of understanding about addiction, I had no family support.

Besides being terrified, I was ashamed and embarrassed to go out. I felt everyone blamed me for their behaviour. I felt so alone. I often broke down crying at work or on the street. I had totally lost control of my life, but I was still trying to control theirs. My behaviour needed to change. I was addicted to the addict, but I wasn’t even aware of it.

Then I was introduced to the Northstar Family Support Project, and even though I have attended and left over the years, they have always been a great support. I’m getting stronger, and the support is brilliant.

One of the first things I learned was that I’m not the only person in this position. It was almost a relief to know I’m not alone – there are people who understand how I feel.

Through it all, I have grown to be a stronger person, and for this I will always be grateful. I have learned to understand addiction and not to sit in judgement of others.

I have learned that I am as important as my children, and that I need to look after myself too.

Well If That’s So

I don’t take drugs he said I only smoke a bit of hash,
Well if that’s so why is it you never seem to have?

It’s only a bit of grass he said it won’t do anything to me,
Well if that’s so then why do you always seem nervous and jumpy?

I take a few E’s at the dance she said it helps me to get high,
Well if that’s so then why are you so depressed? everything make you cry,

I do a line or 2 at the weekend she said it helps to unwind,
Well if that’s so then why is it you always seen out of your mind.

You say you take drugs and stuff just to escape from reality
Well if that’s so then why it is you always seem sad and unhappy

You say you’re okay and stop nagging you and that I’m doing your head in,
Well if that’s so then why can’t you see all the sorrow and pain you are causing me?

You don’t realize that you are ruining your life you say you just having the crack,
Well if that’s so why is it when you go out I’m afraid you may not come back?
You don’t understand when I get upset and say the drugs are slowly killing you,
Well maybe someday you’ll realize that they are slowly killing me too.